The Moonshine Diet

I still find it hard to believe that it is in fact me on the scales, I am weighing in like some middle weight boxer, I am kidding myself, convinced that one of the kids must have altered the scales, when weighing their suitcases, for their return journey’s home. It doesn’t seem all that long ago that my colleagues, and friends thought I was anorexic, I was that thin, I even used to buy that ‘weight on ‘powder, that I mixed with milk, in an effort to gain weight, Oh if only that was the case now. I do blame the weight increase, on the fact that I had a hysterectomy at the age of 32, which confused my body, and plunged me straight into the change at such an early age. Well that is my theory.

Now that we are both in our fifties, it really is time to do something about it, hubby agreed, so we decided we would buy a couple of bikes. I remembered when I was a girl, I loved my bike, and I was never off it, so it should not be that hard to get started again surely.

How wrong I was, It amazed me just how hard I found it, the gears were like kryptonite in my hands, I just could not get the hang of them, there were never all these gears on a bike when I was a kid, slipping everywhere they were, sounding like they had been set up for an episode of Robot Wars, the saddle felt very uncomfortable, I think normal walking, would be a problem for a while, let alone anything else.

The sun was shining, so we decided to take the plunge, and make a start, so off we went on our new bikes, on a four mile round trip, around the village, with no water, not a good idea. It was not intentional; I really did not think it would take very long; after all it only took fifteen minutes in the car.

My sense of direction has never been good, it had taken me a while to register, which side of the road to drive on in Spain. I started off quite well, I was pleased with myself, even coming to grips with the gears, I was a little scared of falling off into the road, in the path of oncoming traffic, I must admit I did keep venturing towards the centre of the road, and did get piped at a couple of times, still I managed to stay calm, and kept peddling.

I was doing really well and my confidence, well and truly boosted, until I started peddling up the last steep hill, I made the mistake, of getting off the bike, for a bit of a break, and that was it, I felt faint, one of the most horrible feelings in the world. I just wanted to leave the bike in the middle of the road, and lie down. Fortunately, we were not far from my Spanish friends house, and they were outside, ‘Oh thank goodness’ I thought, Aqua Aqua, I said limply, they laughed ushering us into their homely kitchen, where they calmly sat us down, after a couple of glasses of water, and two oranges , taken straight off their tree, I felt much better.

 Then my wonderful neighbours, in true Spanish tradition, brought out a homemade cake, and a bottle of homemade 40%Moonshine, which was so strong, it would have knocked the spots off a leopard, at that point the diet, and renewed fitness regime went totally out of the window, still the thought was there, I had made a start, and there’s always Manana.